So I have been thinking for sometime about this question. I actually think about it all the time. I will say right now I have a lot of learning to do about myself. There are times in life where I just feel like I don't know who I am. Sometimes when I answer questions from a Tag I will ask Daryl what do I like to do? Silly, because I know what I like to do when it is in front of me or he names it I will say oh I love to do that or something in that fashion. When I am put on the spot to talk about myself I have a hard time doing it when people ask what I like or whatever, I forget everything. This could also be because I get so shy or embarrassed when I have to talk in front of people.
I read a lot of women's blogs and I can see exactly who they are what they like and kind of get a sense of their personality and talents and what is so great about them and how blessed they are and why our Heavenly Father loves them so much. I struggle to see this in myself at times. Not that my Father in Heaven doesn't love me but I guess what others may see in me or what makes me who I am. I know I have talents but I also know everything I might be good at I have worked real hard at. Nothing has come natural for me. Yeah I ran track for UW but I in no way was great I worked my butt off and still was like the slowest on the team, I was just glad to be there. I love crafts but I work hard at that and in no way can I think of something and do it I need step by step instructions and then a demonstration. I have always wanted to learn French and although I know some it is hard. I have always wanted to be able to play the piano or just be musically talented or sing, I have attempted and it is one more thing I would have to work really hard at. I also am not a genius most of my schooling I have to work hard at unless I was retaking the class then it was a cake walk. I am not great at style either. I look at what others do or I learn a lot from “What not to Wear”. That is one reason I love to look at People and US magazines just to see what people wear or what is cute. But I have realized what looks good on me and what will never work for me. I guess what I am saying is I was not born with talent spewing from me. I have to work at everything I do, and I know others do but let’s all just admit right now that something’s just come easier for others. I don't have that at least with all the self inspection I have done I haven't found it. I must say that in my blessing though I was given compassion, which if you know me or read my blog often you might be thinking what? I know it is there I see it every now and then but I think it is another one of those things I have to work hard to attain. I have realized though since being married which is one of the best ways to discover who you are that I am very passionate about stuff if I set my mind to really do something I do it but sometimes I don't finish cause I get distracted by my next passion whatever it may be.
So I am always left asking myself what is it that makes me special or what makes me, me? I constantly feel like I have so much to learn about myself and get worried sometimes because when I see so many other women who seem to have themselves figured out I feel I am just beginning. I also feel that if I really had a grasp on what makes me tick then maybe things in life would be so much easier to deal with because then you never find yourself doubting or questioning yourself. I guess there isn't any easy answer to this, I guess as time goes on you just find who you are.
What makes you, you?
I read a lot of women's blogs and I can see exactly who they are what they like and kind of get a sense of their personality and talents and what is so great about them and how blessed they are and why our Heavenly Father loves them so much. I struggle to see this in myself at times. Not that my Father in Heaven doesn't love me but I guess what others may see in me or what makes me who I am. I know I have talents but I also know everything I might be good at I have worked real hard at. Nothing has come natural for me. Yeah I ran track for UW but I in no way was great I worked my butt off and still was like the slowest on the team, I was just glad to be there. I love crafts but I work hard at that and in no way can I think of something and do it I need step by step instructions and then a demonstration. I have always wanted to learn French and although I know some it is hard. I have always wanted to be able to play the piano or just be musically talented or sing, I have attempted and it is one more thing I would have to work really hard at. I also am not a genius most of my schooling I have to work hard at unless I was retaking the class then it was a cake walk. I am not great at style either. I look at what others do or I learn a lot from “What not to Wear”. That is one reason I love to look at People and US magazines just to see what people wear or what is cute. But I have realized what looks good on me and what will never work for me. I guess what I am saying is I was not born with talent spewing from me. I have to work at everything I do, and I know others do but let’s all just admit right now that something’s just come easier for others. I don't have that at least with all the self inspection I have done I haven't found it. I must say that in my blessing though I was given compassion, which if you know me or read my blog often you might be thinking what? I know it is there I see it every now and then but I think it is another one of those things I have to work hard to attain. I have realized though since being married which is one of the best ways to discover who you are that I am very passionate about stuff if I set my mind to really do something I do it but sometimes I don't finish cause I get distracted by my next passion whatever it may be.
So I am always left asking myself what is it that makes me special or what makes me, me? I constantly feel like I have so much to learn about myself and get worried sometimes because when I see so many other women who seem to have themselves figured out I feel I am just beginning. I also feel that if I really had a grasp on what makes me tick then maybe things in life would be so much easier to deal with because then you never find yourself doubting or questioning yourself. I guess there isn't any easy answer to this, I guess as time goes on you just find who you are.
What makes you, you?
3 comments:
It is so ironic that you would write a post like this because it is something that has been on my mind for the past week or so.
Last week the missionaries stopped by our house to visit with and get to know us a little better. At one point during the conversation they asked what each of us liked to do for fun. Thank heavens my husband was able to take up the whole time talking about the things he likes to do/is good at because I couldn't think of a single thing to tell them.
I thought that was so sad, that I couldn't come up with even one answer off the top of my head.
I guess maybe I need to take a little more time for myself to develop some talents/hobbies, but I find it extremely hard when my kids demand almost every second of my life.
I guess what I am trying to say (in the world's longest comment) is that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings.
Good news: I think it is supposed to be pretty warm tomorrow :)
This gave me a lot to think about. I've felt that a lot. A few months ago, I was having a conversation with Trevor where I was comparing myself to some other people and he said something like, "You should just be you and develop the talents you have and do the things you like to do. Don't worry about everybody else." When I do that, I tend to feel better about myself. It has been hard to go from being single and having my life defined by so many things, student, employee, friend, roommate, runner, book lover, etc to becoming a wife and mother with not much time or resources to do so many of the things I used to do a lot of. I know Trevor's life has changed with marriage and kids too, but it doesn't seem quite as drastic. :o) Wow...I might have surpassed Kara's comment. I really hope this makes sense. :o)
i love this post emily! It's so nice to know that others have insecurities too! I'm not alone. although, i wonder why you have any! thanks
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