I have been up for about two hours now and unfortunately for me sleep is nowhere to be found. This is sad for me since it was probably my last night of decent sleep for a while. I slept so good the other night and was hoping for the same again. High hopes I guess. In about three hours I will be induced in the office, to see about getting things started. Yesterday I cleaned the house and did my very best to keep my mind off of this fact. But now that I am up alone at almost 7 in the morning I can't help but think about the fact I am getting induced. My mind is going crazy with thoughts and all sorts of things. I am looking around my house thinking I should have gotten some more things cleaned or done more before now. I think it is pretty weird to know this is ending soon, kind of gives you time to be sad and miss being pregnant already. Such a weird feeling since I am still pregnant. But I guess I won't be enjoying it as much today as I have in the past.
I have been sitting here reading and wondering about these methods the good old' doctor is going to use on me. He is using a Foley Catheter or also known and the Foley Balloon, and sounds like it works to dilate, then he might also use seaweed sticks, these I guess really work. To be honest I am nervous for either one. I have had thoughts of maybe I don't really want to go through labor again. All that pain, maybe it would be easier to just do a repeat. I guess it is hard to walk into a bunch of pain you know you have to go through especially when you have a hidden door to the side that would make it so you didn't have to go through that pain. But in all logic and clear thinking it is beyond what I would like. I just hope one works and works well so I cannot go through a c-section recovery again. Here is to happy thoughts.
I just had a thought that about sent me into an ugly cry. Paiglee is upstairs sleeping soundly, with no clue in the world as to how drastic her world is about to change. I don't know why this fact is so sad for me, why it brings me tao tears. As the day has gotten closer she has talked a ton about Emery. She will huge me and then say, "I am hugging Emery" and then, "Oh I love Emery" followed by her excited hug (hard to explain, except I use to do a similar thing as a kid). I wonder if she is really going to feel that way when she sees life change before her eyes. I guess I wonder this so much because like me she doesn't adjust well to change. We have rearranged her room before, well she cried for nights of being scared until I said we have to put her bed back where it was. She wasn't scared anymore. Then we decided to put the crib in her room and make her room a sleeping area only and the toys in the other room with the TV. We kept her bed in the same spot but even with that change she has been complaining of being scared so she has to have the bedroom door open to sleep. She does not like change at all. So to say the least I am worried about this big change for her. I can't help but feel bad for causing this change in her life that maybe once is here she won't want. But I try to remind myself she will adjust and it will soon feel like the normal thing, to have a baby around.
I had a pedicure last night, it was oh so nice. Thanks to friends who care about my feet and comfort.
2 comments:
You're probably getting ready to head to the hospital now. I hope everything goes smoothly for you today, and good luck with the adjustments! I think we all worry about the first born's reaction. I have to tell myself "Well, there are lots of people with multiple children, so there must be some way to make it work." :)
I remember crying for Will right after Rosie was born. I felt so bad for him . . . but then, within a few months, I was so glad we had Rosie. They are best buddies.
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