FED UP!!!! SICK and TIRED!!!!.....

Of battling my weight! So I have a great week and within a few days it seems it is undone by nothing. I have battled my weight I think ever since I hit puberty. Not as hard as I am at this point in my life, but it has always been hard. When I was in High School I was getting a little chubby around the corners so I took up Body Building. I became addicted quickly and I couldn't miss a day without feeling totally out of whack. I ate fairly well, but I was for sure able to eat whatever sweet thing I wanted and however much without feeling the huge repercussions. Now after marriage and a child, everything is so different. Before I only had to worry about me and I didn't have many temptations around to eat poorly, and then came Daryl and I gained weight from being with him. Then I had a baby and had a hay day eating while pregnant. I have yet to recover. To be honest I never thought in my wildest dreams I would be the size I am today. I have tried to come to terms with it, really I have, and I have tried to embrace this very curvy and lumpy body. Well I guess the curves are great just in a smaller size. And I have always had some lumps, but not to this degree. I guess the biggest and most important lesson I have learned from this trial in my life is to be happy with what you have at the present time, hahaha. Because although I had a rockin’ body before Daryl and I met and part of when we were married, I still had issues with it, but now I would give my pinky toe for that body. I have had a hard adjustment to my body and the way it reacts to food now. I can't eat a big piece of cake without gaining 2 lbs. the next day. Just about any sweets set me back like a whole week of hard work. It is so discouraging, I honestly feel like screaming at the heavens and saying "really?, give me a break" but I try not to, unless I would like to be nice and crispy around the edges.

When it isn't winter I am a pretty active person, Paiglee and I are on the go almost all the time. I try to bike everywhere I run more I lift weights. The summer is my saving grace to keep my weight from escaping me. I guess what is so frustrating is it is going to soon be three years since I had Paiglee, and guess what I am right back to the weight I was after I had her. Granted I lost like 10-15 pounds with Weight Watchers then stopped because I am not down with all that they do. I kept it off for over a year almost two, and in the last six months I put it back on. I am mad at myself I have set so many goals and made so many meal plans and nothing has done it for me. I am stuck, and the sad part is I am so discouraged from all this I am finding it hard to do all it takes to get the weight off to even get back where I was after Weight Watchers. Wait actually I would do what it takes but with all the temptations of food in my home and having to worry about my meals and then meals for my family it is just tiring to do let alone think about. I mean I have 30-35 pounds to lose to get to a healthy weight for my height. And this is the very top of my BMI. But then I think how hard it was to lose the 10-15 lbs on weight watchers and I can't imagine what it is going to take to lose the full 30. It is daunting it is frustrating. I have even tried to tell myself just take it one day at a time. Yeah right! Other than eating everything else is fine. I workout almost every day as long as I and Paiglee aren't sick, or we are not out of town. That is one part that I have down pat. So I know my problem is with eating. I just can't seem to get it figured out. And when I say figured out I don't mean like what to eat to lose weight because I know that, it is resisting temptation, eating just enough, not stuffing myself.

I told Daryl, if I could I would be bulimic or anorexic, but I can't I can't make myself puke even if I had to, thank goodness, and I can't starve myself even if I wanted, that is like saying stop breathing. I would take all those horrible pills I am so against if they weren't so bad for me and they didn't have horrible side effects, or if I didn't want more children. So yeah I am stuck I have tried and thought just about everything. It would be so much easier if I lived on my own and didn't have to buy things I can't eat or shouldn't eat. But that isn’t possible, so some way somehow I have to figure out how to not eat junk I shouldn’t and to stop when I know what I ate should be enough and not stuff myself.

So to sum it up I am FED UP and SICK and TIRED of battling my weight!!!!!

Give me a break.

Also I am done posting my wieght gain for all to see and I feel my plan back fired on me more than it ever helped me. Go figure. BEEP....Blank.....BEEP....UGH!!!