Trials unwanted will come

Well this last week has for sure been a crazy one, and it seems to have taken forever. I don't even know where to begin really. I have been very reluctant to share this on my blog (since it is public and it is a very personal matter) but thought I would in not a ton of detail but I just want to because it is part of our life. I always told myself that I would not just share our best and most happiest parts of life but also the things that make us who we are, I don't' share everything because Daryl is a very personal person and I on the other hand am more open, and try to respect his privacy while still sharing my life. But I have never wanted to paint a picture that my family is a cookie cutter family, which I think can happen with blogging because people only say the very best and only put on their best moments, but this is the Life with the Michael's and maybe it will be of use to others or something, and if not it gets the elephant out of the room for me.
We have been trying to have a baby for a little over a year and planning on it much longer than this. We always thought it would be so easy for us, I mean we had Paiglee very unexpectedly and when we thought it couldn't happen that soon. We thought we were not going to have to struggle to have another baby and so when we planned we planned when we thought was a good time for us. Things to say the least have not gone anything like we thought or planned. Shortly after trying for a few months without anything I started to think something was wrong turns out I have Hypothyroidism which also explained the 30 pounds I put on in a matter of 5 months that were unexplained. I was also having adrenal gland problems. I was put on meds that I will most likely have to take the rest of my life. I was shocked to find out I had hypothyroidism until I remembered my Grandmother on my mom's side had hers removed at one point. So that only made sense as to why I would have developed it. But then shortly thereafter we found out we were going to be expecting a baby in march of 2010. We were excited we told family and close friends, but I miscarried at almost 8 weeks it was devastating it was a shock I was taken aback by it. No one in my family has ever had to deal with this. But I got right back and then within a little over a month later we found out we would be expecting a baby in June of 2010. But the day before Thanksgiving I went in to hear the heart beat when I was a few weeks shy of being out of my first trimester and there wasn't one. They did a U/S and there wasn't one, I still have the picture of a little baby just laying still not moving and there was no little flutters in the chest. I couldn't believe it, I just couldn't believe it was happening again (let alone I find this out with Paiglee with me). Turns out the baby measured two weeks smaller than I was gestation. This one has been much harder and more complex than I could have thought possible, it knocked us off the horse and I find it hard to get up.
At the beginning of this long process we prayed and felt it was time to have another baby and to have it be a very hard path brings so many questions to one's mind. We have taken this one much harder than the last one. I was super sick and we thought it was safe we thought it was going to work out we were even more excited this time around. I would say the least favorite part is telling people that knew that it didn't work out. I would rather no one know then me tell them.
I was so naive before experiencing all this (but isn't everyone). I think the matter of a couple bringing life into the world is very personal and emotional. I think it is also a very private matter and I am so aware now of talking to others about even them having kids is a no, no. I have learned there are some things you just never say or ask, to anyone because you just never know what someone is going through. It seems to be so common for couples to struggle with having a baby, you hear of it more. I also find it funny that the couples that want it so badly tend to be the ones that struggle the most with it and have a hard time with it and it seems the ones that don't want a baby or aren't trying have no problems. I don't know if it is just the way it works, but my observation even stands true with Daryl and I, we weren't expecting or trying for Paiglee and we got her, we actively try now and we have had the worst of luck. It just reaffirms to me that I have absolutely no clue what is in store for us or how our life is suppose to be. I feel I have no control and when I try to control it, it doesn't turn out the way you think it would. I don't know what we are suppose to do, I feel like I have mixed signals I feel like I have no control of my own life or the destiny of my families. I feel I have to sit shut-up and just take what comes, which is beyond hard for me. But I do know one thing I can control is what I do from here on out. I need a break a long one, I need time to get over all that has happened. I want to focus on the three of us and forget what we have wanted for the past year or more. The last year has been focused on wanting another baby and trying and dealing with all the trials that came with it. I know we all need a break and I just want to focus on the family of three I have now. I ask why all the time I ask what am I suppose to be getting from this mess, other than the hurt and sorrow that comes with it. I am envious of others while at the same time realizing the process of bringing about life is an amazing one and one to be happy about in any case. I am grateful for the family I have for the one child I have that I find I cling to a little more when I hug her. My way of wanting to deal with this is to get through it and over it as fast as possible with as little pain as possible. I just want to forget and move on. If anything at all I just want it to be over. Since this last one was considered a missed miscarriage which means my body took forever to realize the little thing didn't need life support anymore . My symptoms took much longer to disappear. Which felt like I was just standing still in the mess of it. I was given meds to get things started and they worked much too good, things got scary and crazy and I went to the ER. But things are fine now and we are ready to move on put it behind us and get over it. I am hoping this helps, and that somehow it makes it easier. I still am trying to figure out how to experience this and live it without it affecting me. I haven't figured it out, the only thing I have realized is......
....Growth hurts.

Thanksgiving

I better get to posting about Thanksgiving before I forget. My parents and my grandma arrived at 9:30am on Thanksgiving day and we chatted and got them settled. My mom began to help me do some of the dinner preparations. We watched the Macy Thanksgiving parade while we had some snacks for lunch. My dad and Daryl finished putting up some of our Christmas lights on our house. They turned out great, I will have to get a picture of it sometime soon. Pretty much I spent my Thanksgiving day getting dinner ready, while everyone else took naps. My mom loved it she said it was the first Thanksgiving she can remember where she took a nap. But I did have some hang-ups with my turkey and the sweet potatoes. My turkey was much bigger than last years and the pan I used last year was much too small for this year's turkey. I had a feeling to by a roaster pan before Thanksgiving but then I said no it will be fine and I was really wishing I had. My turkey that I make requires me to baste it every 15 minutes until it reaches an internal temperature of 180-185 and for a 21 pound turkey that is seriously like 5-7 hours. And my pan was too small so I had a mess for an oven by the end of the day and finally for the last hour I was done pulling it out. Next year I will have a roaster big enough. And while I was preparing other things while everyone slept I forgot to start the sweet potatoes and they were huge which honestly would have normally required at least 3 hours to cook in the oven. But my mom was able to help save them. But everything else went smoothly and yeah I got a little stressed for a while. But I think it is always different when you have people to make a huge dinner for, nothing goes 100% smoothly unlike last year when I just cooked for my family it was a breeze. We were all stuffed from dinner and I am sad to say I took no pictures on Thanksgiving day so I have nothing to show for the great meal I made my family. Just take my word it was great and we almost couldn't eat dessert.
Friday morning we headed to Heber City Utah for the Polar Express train and to spend some time shopping. We left early 9ish I think so we could get all the things done we wanted to. By the end of the car trip up there Paiglee was ready to get out of the truck and so were Daryl and I. Paiglee is not always the best traveler. Plus she needed a nap so we went to the hotel to get our rooms and put her down for a nap. Then my dad my mom and grandma and I went to Provo and Ogden to get some shopping done. Then after getting lost for a while we got our shopping done headed back to Heber and got ready for the number one reason we went to Utah for the train ride. I of course forgot my camera but luckily my dad had his so I took pictures with it and forgot to put them on my computer before they left so I still need him to email them to me. The train ride was fun, Paiglee was super excited. They gave hot cocoa and cookies and told the story of Polar Express and sang songs. Paiglee met Santa and his wife for the very first time and Santa gave her a bell from his Sleigh. It was a little long of a ride for a hyper energetic child but it was fun none the less. It was a good thing to experience but we won't be rushing back especially for the money it costs. But I will post pictures of it when I get around to getting them.
Saturday we drove home and came back to RS to just relax and enjoy the rest of our vacation time. My mom and I went to the mall and shopped for a little, while others took naps. Then on Sunday my parents left to go back home. It was a great Thanksgiving and I am so glad my parents and grandma were able to come, and spend it with us. And I am glad I was able to provide them with a relaxing Thanksgiving of very little labor on their part. But I have to tell you putting on a dinner for company versus my own family is much harder for some reason, nothing different was done really but I think the fact people are around makes it harder. But I enjoyed it, I always enjoy doing dinners for others, even if I get a little stressed, it was worth it. Even the messy oven was worth it. I finally got the oven cleaned on Tuesday it took only two days to get it sparkly clean inside.
It was a great Thanksgiving and a busy one, I hope others had a great one too.

The time is creeping up

I am so glad to say that the Holidays are upon us and I am thrilled. We even got a little snow this last Sunday so I am happy (remember I only like it for the Holidays). Paiglee was also thrilled and when she saw it snowing Sunday night she wanted to go out right then and play in it. I promised she could in the morning, first thing she says to me, its morning I play in snow. She loves wearing snow boots, and even tries to make her own snowman (mom would help but was super busy inside doing things). One reason it is great to have a backyard that is fenced in and I can see her from my kitchen, I don't always have to go outside. I have been trying to get ready for Thanksgiving and for my Grandma and my Parents to come, I am excited to make them dinner and to go to the Polar Express train. Paiglee is also very excited to go to Ride on the train, she asks often go ride on Thomas or Blue train she doesn't realize that Thomas and the Polar Express are not the same.
But I thought I would express some things that our family is grateful for.
We are grateful for:

-Daryl being accepted to Wyoming's Educational Leadership program, where he will get his Principal endorsement.
-The gospel in our lives and the great callings that we have and have had
-Church being moved to 9am in about 5 weeks YAY!
-For our families
-For amazing grandparents
-Frugalness
-Our home
-music
-health
-Eternal Families
-friends
-for trains (Paiglee's of course)
-this time of year to take a break from the crazy chaos of life and remember the important things, family!

That is just a small list of some of our families gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

December here yet!

So I am completely ready for December to get here. In hopes of it and to keep my spirits lifted I have begun listening to Christmas music already. Call me crazy! Daryl hates it, which is one thing I don't care that bothers him. He hates Christmas music even during December. So he has to put up with it, cause I am crazy. But I am not the only one in our house that loves it. Paiglee loves music and she seems to have a knack for good singers and rhythms and what not, but that is not the point. So I love the Mariah Carey Christmas album I got it when I was a young teenager and have never got sick of it. There is one song on it that has kind of a Baptist feel to it. You know how they sing their songs randomly shout out a word. Well in this one "Jesus Oh What a Wonderful Child" it has that same feel to it. And it just so happens that Paiglee loves this song. They randomly shout out Jesus.........Jesus, and so on. Well ever since last Christmas she thinks they are saying Cheese, and she will sing along with it randomly shouting cheese when they say Jesus. I have tried correcting her but she is convinced it is cheese. It is freaking' cute and I have a hard time not laughing, cause she is in the back seat jamming and shouting cheese, like she means it. So today as I was taking her to school I was wondering what she must think this song is about to have the word cheese in it, and so pronounced. I don't know it is funny, kids are for sure in their own world.
But aside from this I Don't know if any of you have heard the new David Archuleta Christmas CD. It is pretty stinkin' good, I highly recommend buying it, and not just one song cause I like pretty much the whole thing. It is hard to come by a CD that all songs are worth buying, even for a Christmas CD.

Until Next Time

Halloween

Well I have made it through Halloween this year and am so glad it is over. For some reason this year I am just not feeling it. But we did the stuff that mattered for Paiglee and I think she really enjoyed it. Thursday was her pre-school Halloween Party and she was super shy and wouldn't sing or walk in the little parade. But she had fun doing all the fun activities her teach Mrs. MerLee planned, there was many but Paiglee's favorites were fishing, decorating her treat bag, G.I. Joe tic tack toe there were some snacks and then they practiced trick o' treating. Then we hung low until Saturday evening when we went to the Ward trunk or treat. Paiglee was a Kat this year and at the trunk or treat she played the role she was at moments rolling on the grass and parking lot. Daryl took her around while I stayed at the car to pass out candy. Then we went to the local fire stations and got king size candy bars. And came home and watched movies and relaxed. And this morning we have been taking down decorations, which I am so glad to see go in the box. I am really just ready for Christmas hahaha. Oh and we never got around to carving our pumpkins this year. Oh well maybe next year I will be more in the mood. I only took a few pictures and they aren't the greatest but I had to document some part of this Halloween.

Nothing new

Well it honestly feels like we can't seem to get rid of the cold bugs in our home. If I am not sick Paiglee is sick. I am pretty tired of it to say the least, maybe I would be up for it a little more if I wasn't in a weird funk. I haven't had much energy to do much of anything so we have been doing a lot of nothing. Paiglee is fighting some congestion thing I think it might lead into something worse if I don't watch it. But I figured it has been a while and some might think we are dead, we are close to but not quite. Paiglee has a little Halloween party for school this Thursday so hopefully that gives us something exciting to post about, other than my complaints. I am trying to hang on and push through the sickness junk.

ATTENTION: Wash Your Hands...

...Especially after using the bathroom. I have been sick with some gastrointestinal virus and I have never experienced anything like this in my life. It all began with a horrible headache last Saturday and then shortly after the bodily fluids began exiting the body faster than I could keep them in. I am still not sure if the headache has anything to do with the later part but it all sucked. I went to the Doctor and after a stool sample and two days of waiting for those results that came back with nothing, I have a nice bill from them. When I went into the doctor’s office I was so dehydrated that they gave me 2 liters of fluids and they soon exited my body after leaving the office. Luckily my mom came this last Wednesday and stayed until yesterday she was seriously a huge help. See Daryl left on Wednesday for a Conference until yesterday and the night before he left I knew I couldn't take care of Paiglee and me all on my own. So Tuesday night (early Wednesday morning) I called my mom at 1am she decided she was coming. I was so thankful she came to help me; I literally was doing all I could to take care of myself. The worst night was Thursday night I was on the verge of taking myself to the ER here in Rock Springs. And if any of you know Rock Springs ER, things had to be pretty bad for me to consider going, I seriously felt I was going to die on my bed or in the hospital, I chose my bed. Thursday night was the first night that I slept through the night without waking up and running to the bathroom. The exiting of body fluids has stopped and last night I didn't wake up once until 7am. With all said I have lost 8 pounds and I am still counting, this stuff is serious stuff. This bacterium did a number on my lower intestines. Yesterday was the first day I could eat but I read online that with this stuff you should start with things that are easy for your stomach and GI tract. So I am just eating toast eggs and rice and lots of fluids. So in a week I have lost 8 pounds and a majority of it was lost from Tuesday thru Friday. I am still losing and expect I will until my body returns to normal. Although the headache is manageable and the bum issue is done, I still am weak and exhausted. I can't do simple tasks like walking up my stairs or showering without feeling I am about to pass out. I begin to shake and get cold sweats and tingly if I do too much and I become light headed. I breathe hard and have to take lots of breaks to accomplish a huge task such as a shower. Climbing the stairs makes my muscles ache like I just lifted a ton and I usually have to sit down when finished. I can't eat a ton at one sitting I get nauseated if I even try or think about it. Since yesterday I have been trying to eat every two hours to keep something in my stomach my choice of things are egg on toast or rice with salt and butter and only a 1/2 cup at a time. I do still feel yucky it comes and goes it is like a wave and when I say yucky I mean like I will have an intense wave of nausea and pure exhaustion come 0ver me I just have to breath through it and wait for it to pass. I have found that if I stay on top of my liquid intake it helps a ton. Liquids are a huge part of this, when I was crapping a ton I was losing liters of liquids with my bathroom visits. One day I kept track of my liquids the best I could and I consumed 300+ oz. of liquid, this is more than double of what I should. And yes I know people can get ill from consuming too much water but this was what I had to do to keep water in me. It was not fun I do not wish this on anyone. I am sure it will take another week to gain strength back and to just feel normal, I don't know how long it will take for the food situation to improve. I mean I have tried a few new things in the diet and my stomach gets a little crampy and feels almost upset so I am sticking with simple things that are easy for my GI tract to digest. I have a feeling because of this I will continue to lose weight. Dairy is a big no.

But pretty much I have been a train wreck this last week I have barely left my house. I am ready for my old self back. Poor Paiglee was thrilled to see her daddy last night she couldn't stop jumping, I don't blame her she was stuck with a very sick mommy and a grandma that didn't know her way around town to take her anywhere. Daryl has cleaned the whole house grocery shopped and played with Paiglee since he has been home. He is amazing! It feels like home with him here now, although my mom was a huge help and amazing, it just didn't feel like home with Daryl gone. I am also glad I am not as bad as a few days ago. I am so glad I am halfway done with this junk.

I guess this stuff is common but guess what I don't ever want it again, I think if I ever get it again I will cry, because I know how long I have ahead of me before I get better. At least when I didn't really know I could hope tomorrow would be a better day. I don't do sick well at all. I can hope that this is my sickness for the year but I doubt it. While sick I was watching the news and saw a kid in the hospital bed with the Swine flu and it made me tired to think of getting sick after this.

I caught this from someone who probably didn't wash their hands after going potty, or changing a diaper or who spit on something and I touched it. Because you can only get this by coming into contact with someone's spit or bowel specimen, because they didn't wash their hands. They of course have to be carrying the bacteria but still, isn't good practice to wash your hands after every bathroom visit.

You know through this ordeal I went to the bathroom probably 30+ times in one day. I also washed my hands after each of those bathroom visits. This lead to very dry and scaly cracked hands but it is worth it not to spread the gunk around. So I figure if someone who is crapping themselves this much a day and who has little to no energy or strength can do it, can't a healthy functioning person do it. You would think. So do the world a favor and WASH YOUR HANDS, especially with all the stuff going around.